It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Blood and glitter go together right?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
