how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize