He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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