I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
