We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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