My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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