don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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