captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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