oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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