going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize