Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
