I want to make a zoo with you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
