Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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