i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
