Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
