check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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