Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
