Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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