The maid of honor just puked.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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