Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
