i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
