at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A bitchslap is in order.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
