well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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