I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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