my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
