I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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