There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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