She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
