and you said cock pushups were impossible
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
