Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
