the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
