Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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