so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
