So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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