If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize