i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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