I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
