: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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