dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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