fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
