i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
