i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
