so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
