well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
