did you get engaged???
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
