I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
