So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just gift wrapped bread.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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