ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was born a porn star she said
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
