I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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