when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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