life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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