I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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