yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
