i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need a beard to bite.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
