dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have tasted many bathrooms
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
