Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
