dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
