Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
