The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
well most of my day revolves around power hour
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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