dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
