dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
