We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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