i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my liver is dry heaving
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
