My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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