Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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