I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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