We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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