when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
