Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
