Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
