I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
