I wish my penis had an off switch
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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