I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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