That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
