if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
