1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
