don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
