I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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