he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
