I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
